by Mylene Terranova Duarte, LPC
One of the challenges of parenting is helping children develop a positive relationship with food. From taste preferences to messages about food—like whether foods are framed as “good” or “bad” or tied to rewards—different factors can contribute to the development of these relationships.
Why a Positive Relationship With Food Matters for Children
A child’s relationship with food develops early on and can have lasting effects on their physical and emotional well-being. When children feel safe, curious, and supported around food, they are more likely to trust their hunger and fullness cues, try new foods, and develop balanced eating habits over time. On the other hand, pressure, restriction, or negative messaging around food can increase the risk of stress, guilt, or disordered eating patterns later in life.
Below are some research backed ways to help your child build a positive relationship with food.
1. Avoid Labeling Foods as “Good” or “Bad”
How we talk about food at home is very important. When labeling a food “good” or “bad,” children often attach those words to their own sense of self. For example, “If I eat bad food, then I am a bad kid,” leading to shame and guilt related to eating.
Additionally, it is impossible to control a child’s exposure to foods all the time. For instance, labeling sweets as “bad” can be confusing to a child when they go to a birthday party and see people happy and laughing while eating cake. It can feel confusing and conflicting.
Try using a more objective language:
- “This breakfast will give you a lot of energy to learn at school today.”
- “Different foods help our bodies in different ways.”
2. Connect Your Words to Your Actions
Research shows that children often learn by watching those around them, especially their parents. Modeling a positive attitude toward eating and food is an important part of helping children have a positive relationship with food themselves.
Strategies:
- Eat meals together. Eating together helps model the behavior to the child by seeing the parents eating the same foods as them.
- Allow your children to see you enjoying a variety of foods.
- Share positive memories associated with food while eating them, such as “my grandma used to make this cake for me when I was your age.”
3. Avoid Using Food as a Reward and/or Punishment
Using food to manage a child’s behavior is associated with emotional eating and reduced sensitivity to hunger and fullness cues. These practices can unintentionally teach children to eat for emotional reasons rather than physical hunger.
This is the same for how we talk about our use of foods as rewards or punishments to ourselves. This practice can teach children that foods are conditional to being deserved. It is important that children know that food does not need to be earned.
Avoid messages that can subtly reinforce the idea of food as reward and/or punishment, as such:
- “I deserve some dessert today, I had a really stressful day.” (reward)
- “If you finish all your dinner, then you can have dessert.” (reward)
- “I am only eating salad since I haven’t worked out much this week.” (punishment)
- “I ate a lot during the holidays, so I am skipping breakfast this week.” (punishment)
4. Be Repetitive on Exposing Your Children to Different Foods
The more your child is exposed to foods, the more they develop their taste buds. Repetition is very important. Studies show that it can take 10–15 times in order to increase acceptance of a particular food.
Avoid offering accommodations or alternatives. Work with your child to understand what they didn’t like – texture, taste, smell. Discuss the importance of eating different foods, even if they are not our preference.
When presented with new foods, help your child to recognize what they are feeling in the moment:
- “This is a new texture for you. What do you think about it?”
- “This chicken does taste different than the other one you tried before. Do you really think you don’t like this one, or do you just like it less than the other one?”
- “Sometimes it takes a few tries to get used to something new. It’s okay that you didn’t like it today. Let’s see what you think next time.”
Helpful strategies:
- Reminders of new taste development can be encouraging: “Remember when you didn’t like beans at first and now you love them!? Maybe you’ll start enjoying broccoli, too!”
- Recognize their effort. “I can see you really didn’t like this one. Well, you tried. I like how you were open to trying something new.”
- Be firm on avoiding accommodations. “I understand that you don’t like it, but sometimes we need to eat things we don’t like in order to nourish our body” or “We can think of something you like better for tomorrow’s dinner, but today we need to work on this meal.”
5. Encourage Autonomy and Involvement With Food
As a child grows, increasing their autonomy and involvement with food can bring more positive experiences associated with food.
Ways to Encourage Autonomy and Involvement:
- Have a lower shelf at the fridge or pantry that is accessible to your child. Talk to them about what food options they would like to have available in case they feel hungry.
- Invite your child to help with cooking. At different ages, involvement with cooking can be fun, promote connection with parents, and a sense of accomplishment with the final results. Younger children can be in charge of mixing foods, or helping pour it in a bowl, while older children can be encouraged to venture themselves with baking recipes or preparing a side dish for dinner.
- When possible, asking for their input can help them feel involved in the decision making of what foods they will be eating. Some examples:
- “What vegetables do you think would go well with the pasta tonight?”
- “I am thinking of chicken or fish for dinner – which one would you prefer?”
- “I am working on a grocery list. Is there anything you think we should get?”
We’re Here to Help!
Helping a child’s relationship with food can be overwhelming. If you believe your child is struggling and could use extra support to navigate challenges around food, our clinicians at the Coping Resource Center are here to help. If you’re unsure what’s getting in the way, schedule a session with one of our clinicians specialized in eating disorders.
Learn More About Eating Disorder Treatment at Coping Resource Center.
Call us at 832-278-1849, or book online today. We’re here to help.
