How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving: 7 Meaningful Ways

by Dr. Liz Ross

Grief can feel like unfamiliar terrain, not just for the person experiencing it, but also for the people who love and care for them. If you find yourself wondering how to help someone who is grieving, you’re not alone. You may find yourself wondering what to say, what to do, or how to truly be there. You may worry about “saying the wrong thing” or “sounding insensitive.” You may wonder what kind of help to offer the family or what they might need that can provide some comfort.

Grief doesn’t come with a manual, and it makes sense that loved ones often worry about upsetting someone who is already in a vulnerable state. However, proper emotional and social support is crucial for those experiencing grief, and you have the unique opportunity in these situations to show your loved ones how much you genuinely care.

1. Don’t Try to “Fix” It

Grief is not a problem to solve; it’s a process to support. Avoid offering clichés like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least they lived a long life.” These well-meaning phrases can unintentionally minimize someone’s pain. Instead, try saying:

• “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
• “I’m here with you. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
• “I don’t have the right words, but I have been thinking of you.”
  

What to Say When You First See Someone After a Loss

That first moment of seeing someone after they’ve lost a loved one can feel uncertain. You might worry about saying the wrong thing or making them cry. But what matters most is that you acknowledge the loss with kindness and sincerity.

You don’t need perfect words—just your presence and empathy.

Here are a few meaningful ways to begin:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “I’ve been thinking about you every day.”
• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m really glad to see you.”
• “I can’t imagine how hard this has been. I’m here for you in whatever way you need.”
  

If you knew the person who passed, saying their name can bring comfort:

• “I’ve been thinking about [Name] a lot. They meant so much to me too.”
• “I miss [Name]—they were such a light. I’m always here for you.”
  

It’s okay if it’s a short exchange. What matters is that you don’t avoid or ignore the loss. Even a few sincere words can offer lasting support. Sharing pictures and memories, if you have them, can also be helpful to the loved ones of the deceased and may encourage them to share with you. A helpful read on what to say (and what not to) is There’s No Good Card for This by Dr. Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell.

2. Show Up Consistently

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. While many people offer support in the immediate aftermath of a loss, grieving individuals often feel most alone in the weeks and months that follow. One of the most important things you can do when learning how to help someone who is grieving is to show up. A simple check-in, even a short text, can go a long way. Let them know you’re thinking of them without putting pressure on them to respond. 

3. Offer Practical Help

When someone is grieving, everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. Offering specific, tangible support is often more helpful than a general “Let me know if you need anything.” Try:

• “I’m bringing dinner Tuesday—what sounds good?”
• “Can I pick up groceries or run errands for you this week?”
• “I’ll walk your dog tomorrow morning. You don’t need to do anything.”
• “I can pick up your kids from carpool today.”

4. Make Space for Their Emotions

Grief is not just sadness. It can show up as anger, guilt, numbness, confusion, or even moments of laughter and relief. Let your loved one know that all of these reactions are normal. Be a steady presence rather than a fixer.

Phrases that help:

• “Whatever you’re feeling right now is okay.”
• “You don’t need to be strong with me.”
• “I can just sit with you, if that’s what you need.”
  

5. Respect Their Grieving Style

Some people process grief by talking openly about their feelings. Others prefer privacy. Some return to work quickly, while others need extended time. There’s no “right way” to grieve. Honor their preferences, and avoid comparisons. Every loss is different, and so is every grief journey. However, if you have been through grief yourself, it is okay and often helpful to share your experience. Just don’t assume that their experience is the same as yours, and be sure to make space for them to express themselves freely. Whatever they are feeling is valid, and ultimately, people just want to feel heard and understood.

6. Remember Important Dates

Mark anniversaries, birthdays, and other meaningful dates in your calendar. A simple message on those days can mean everything:

• “Thinking of you and [their loved one’s name] today.”
• “I remember this was an important day. I’m here for you.”
  

7. Encourage Professional Support When Needed

Grief can sometimes become complicated, especially if the person feels stuck or overwhelmed. Therapy can provide a safe space to process loss and rebuild life around it. Let your loved one know it’s okay to ask for help, and that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. View our guide here on how to choose a good therapist. 

Final Thoughts

Remember: learning how to help someone who is grieving doesn’t require the perfect words or profound advice. Your presence, patience, and quiet empathy can be more healing than you realize. 

At the Coping Resource Center, we offer grief therapy for children, teens, and adults. If someone you love is navigating loss, our compassionate team is here to help. Learn more about our services here or book an appointment today.